OTT!!!!

Hellooooo :D

Sorry that i've been a little quiet, AGAIN! I've had some awfully mind numbing diploma in health and social care to complete. It's very much my own fault for putting it off over and over again ... but i've just had funner things to be doing.  Making christmas decorations with Blake being one of them ... watching shitty day time tv being the other (yes Jeremy kyle is more interesting than infection control believe it or not ... now you come to mention it the two could be very much interlinked at times ... quite a few of the guests on that show look as if they have a few infections that need controlling to be honest). 

Making christmas salt dough decorations with the babies!!! yay!!

Although i've been predictably slack with the ol' diploma i've been uncharacteristically organised when it comes to my christmas shopping!!! The little man's gifts are all present and correct!! I've even wrapped some of them!  Im far from finished ... so lets not get too carried away but im half way there with everyone else's :) So fingers crossed i'll be avoiding the last minute christmas eve dash, the most stressful process in the universe! (People, women in particular, appear to become rabid beasts while christmas shopping.) ONLINE ALL THE WAY!

I have however found myself going slightly over board this year with Blake's christmas presents. I don't think I even realised I was doing it at first. I'm not usually the kind of mother that spoils her child with over the top material objects but I got a bit caught up in it this year. Part of me wonders whether it was because im trying to compensate for the fact that his father isn't going to make any effort. When I asked him if he was getting Blake a christmas present the response was he wont have time. We still have like 3 weeks till christmas don't we? Or has christmas day changed this year!?? Sadly the responce I received was the predicted one, so it wasn't a shock that his father seriously doesn't give a shit.  I even considered buying a present out of the maintainance that I receive and writing "from Dad" on the tag ... what the hell was I thinking!?? He isn't even old enough to know the difference at the moment, but I feel let down on his behalf. I think I just felt the need to give him double the amount of presents, just as I feel I have to love him double the amount.

Still you never know ... life is full of surprises apparently. Even a christmas card from him to Blake would be something. 



Love love xx



How Blake made me smile today:  His new favourite thing to say "tickle tickle".... possibly the cutest thing i've ever heard!!! xx

Booby Babies!

I was chatting to my nan the other day about how christmas is swifty approaching us, and we got on to talking about the numerous different types of toy on the market.  She told me about a baby dolly that she had heard about which was for sale in the U.S (it may also be on the market here, im not entirely sure) but what was so different about this doll was that it was called 'The Breast Milk Baby' .... a dolly which comes with a little vest for the little girl to wear, where by you put the doll up to a 'nipple area' on the vest and the doll makes suckling and burping noises.  Now my initial reacion to this was that it was funny and quite sweet... my nan's reaction was somewhat different though! And upon googling this dolly it, appears to have caused an uproar amoung many other, not just my nan. : /

What I've found shocking is not the dolly itself but some people's reactions to it! Many saying that it is encouraging the sexualisation of children and forcing them into adulthood early. What a bunch of bull****!!! Breast feeding is the most natural thing in the world and im sure many children are exposed to it on a daily basis while their Mother's feed their younger siblings.  Young children want to immitate their parents and if their mother's breastfeed then im sure they will naturally want to immitate that with their dollys anyway (whether there is a specific product for it or not!)

If anything I considered this doll to be a positive step in demolishing the taboos around breastfeeding, despite it being the most natural thing in the world alot of people still seem to treat it as something disgusting :s Im not even being bias here as I didn't breastfeed for any significant length of time but I respect women who do and really don't see how a dolly encouraging breast feeding is any more sexualised than a dolly that comes with a bottle! It certainly isn't something that children need 'protecting' from. Or perhaps im missing something... because I don't really get what the big deal is on this one! I think we ought to be more concerned about incy wincy tiny bikinis for 5 year olds, or padded bras for 10 year olds, more than some doll that actually encourages something that has been apart of child rearing since the dawn on mankind! ..... ok rant over :P

Let me know what you guys think? Harmless role play or too much??
Take a look for yourself :)



http://thebreastmilkbaby.com/ 

Love Love xxx


How Blake made me smile today: Sitting in his jimmy jams, with his slippers, in his rocking chair, watching pepper pig. All he needed was a pipe :p xx

Is he a 'Daddy'?

So this morning was a big moment for Blake... the moment when he was to see his 'Daddy'.  I must admit I was a little nervous, luckily however Blake was blissfully unaware as to who this strange man sitting on our sofa was.  I'm not sure why I was nervous ... I've no feelings towards his father at all (not even hate ... way past that stage), I think perhaps I was nervous on behalf of Blake.  Hoping that his father would see him and perhaps instantly fall in love with him?

So as he sat opposite me in my living room, barely able to look me in the eye I wondered what he was feeling at this moment in time.  Was he full of love and pride towards his son, was he nervous, worried, maybe even ashamed of himself, or was he feeling nothing? I find it hard to comprehend that someone could feel nothing towards their own son ... but he has a funny way of showing he cares :s

Blake was less than impressed at first, and sat on my lap scowling at his father ... can't say I blame him really.  But after 15 minutes or so he ventured off my lap and towards him with that beautiful smile on his little face.  Did it melt his father's heart? I wish I knew, he showed limited interest.  So after 45 minutes or so of trivial chat and awkward silences he made his excuses and left promising Blake more time on his next visit.  As I encouraged Blake to wave goodbye I paused...what the hell did I refer to him as?? Did I say to Blake "say goodbye to Daddy"??? That certainly didn't feel right ... a daddy is someone who loves you, who picks you off the floor when you fall over, who tucks you in at night and sings you nursery rhymes while you sit on his knee, someone who would without a doubt lay down on the floor and die for you if need be.  This man standing in my door way has never done any of those things for Blake and didn't really seem to want to.  So I chose to refer to him as nothing ... simply saying "wave goodbye Blake".

I don't know what I expected to be honest, I'm a realist at heart so I knew that the the situation wasn't going to be easy but I feel it could have gone better.  Just a simple "So how has he been?" would have probably made the situation a whole let better but there was nothing but masses of excuses on his behalf. All I want is for my little boy to have a daddy ....I could have given up months ago but i've not been able to.  I've not been able to let myself give up, for my baby's sake.  But I feel the time has come where I can't do much else, this is a step in the right direction I know.  At least his father is acknowledging Blake's existence now, however, I can't help feeling that this is never going to be enough.  A few awkward hours every few weeks is never really going to mean alot to Blake or his Father.  Perhaps I should just let this go now ....


Love love xx

The smile that melts my heart ... every single time I see it! :)

How Blake made me smile today: today he didn't have to do anything spectacularly amusing .... just a little smile from him has made me feel the luckiest Mummy in the world :D xx

The phenomenon that is Facebook ...

Now i'm not going to deny the fact that facebook is some what a guilty pleasure of mine.  I quite enjoy it as a form of keeping in touch with old friends, showing all my chums how beautiful my son is and a way of having a pretty good nosey into people's lives from a safe distance.  But despite this, it also irritates the hell out of me sometimes!! Anywho as we all know I love a list, so I thought i'd share with the world my pet hates on facebook (or any other social networking sites ...in the name of fairness :P)

1. Making a really dramatic facebook status but not telling anyone what it's about e.g. 
 - fb user 1- "oh my god I can't believe this has happened ... this is the worst day of my life. seriously ... this is fucking awful!" 
- fb user 2- oh no what's up????
-fb user 1- Oh nothing ... I can't talk about it on here.
Well why make it into a bloody facebook update for the whole of your friend list to see ... frigging irritating!! Attention seeking at it's best!

2.Being deleted from facebook as an act of vengence.
Im afraid that deleting me from facebook does not mean that you have deleted me from life ... I still exist.  Gutted eh? Also grow up and tell me what your problem is!?

3.Status updates every 5 minutes from the same person.
Seriously ... no one cares

4. The need to proclaim your undying love for your other half in EVERY SINGLE status, even if the rest of your status is totally unrelated.
Yes we know that you love you boo, your bub, your babe, your boy, your girl, your looover.  We gathered that the first one hundred times you included it in your facebook status. 

5.Photos where by you and your significant other are practically eating each others faces off. 
I appreciate a lovey dovey shot as much as the next person but full on passionate kissing is NOT for facebook.  I think there are separate sites where you can post those kind of pictures and also look up the local dogging hotspots. 


6. The use of 'dis', 'dat' and other such tripe.
These are NOT words ... get off facebook and go back to school. (This is especially sad if your approaching 40 and really should no better ... no your kids don't think your cool, infact they just blocked you!)


7. The "I hate myself and I want to die" status.
Perhaps one of THE most annoying things on facebook.  Suicide is no laughing matter ...and the story of the boy who cried wolf never ended well!

8. Farmville 
FUCK OFF ... nuff said :P


9. People uploading horrifying drunken photos of me!
Come on now ... a little common decency doesn't go a miss. Do unto others as you would have done to you and all that jazz. 

10. People moaning when the format of facebook changes.
It really is not the end of the world ... within a week you will have forgotten what the old one was like.  If you find it that complicated then I think your best going back to using the good old Royal Mail. 


So, that was in no particular order, they are all probably equally irritating.  And yes I'm well aware that no one makes me go on facebook blah blah blah...but if we are honest with ourselves we all enjoy a bloody good moan now and again and facebook provides an excellent outlet for this! I think however people need to take it a little less seriously ... and remember that facebook is not just about bitching and finding someone to cheat on your boyfriend with.  It can actually be a good way to share information, raise awareness and provide support for one another. Oh I remember the good old days when it was just a student thing, how I miss those days.  Anyway, RANT OVER.  Happy facebooking :P

Love love xxx

How Blake made me smile today: By running backwards and forwards in the leaves on the way through the park.  Hense it taking me about 45 minutes instead of the usual 15 to get home from town.  Who knew leaves could be so amusing :P x xxx

If only I knew ...

Butter wouldn't melt, right???

From the moment my little sausage roll was born he was a pretty contented fella... wasn't particularly demanding, pretty chilled out, laid back etc etc. People would say "oh you wait untill he is crawling, then you will know about it!" but no, he was still his nonchalant little self.  Then others would say "oh you wait untill he is walking, THEN you will know about it!" but still he was so laid back he was practically horizontal!  I was foolish, I became cocky, if only I knew...

The other day it happened ... and for a moment I was so shocked by what had just taken place that I was literally stunned into complete silence.  From literally no where my son ... my angel, my oh so perfect little angel had a tantrum. An actual tantrum ... not unusual for a child I know.  I've experienced them many a time from other people's children, it's water off a ducks back and I knew that this would happen sooner or later.  He threw himself on the floor, gave out the the shrillest scream i'd ever heard, kicked his legs and threw his arms about ... the meer sound of my voice apparently made his drama even worse.  All I had said was 'no' ....

After about 3 minutes of this, he gave up and come over for a cuddle.  He recovered from his little diva fit pretty quickly ... but seriously what the hell Blake!? Random! We have since had several of the dreaded tantrums... and to be honest I find them pretty flipping hilarious now :P But seriously, seriously does any one know when these will stop? I've heard it's 16? :O

Love Love xxx


How Blake made me smile today: While hanging the washing out on the airer, we had the usual - Mummy puts clothes on while Blake takes the still wet clothes off scenario.  I said the usual "No Blake!" and moved him away ... to which is responded with "rooooaaaaaarrrrrr" (this is his new monster sound) and then ran away.  Do you think he is trying to tell me I sound like a monster :s xxxx

Gosh I love lists!!!

Well i've been house bound the last few days (due to the removal of impacted wisdom teeth - was pretty friggin' harsh tbh!) which is incredibly boring .... however it has allowed me to indulge in one of my favourite past times.  Writings lists, I don't know if one can call this a past time ... but over the years I have passed quite alot of time writing them.  So yeah, it's a past time! I'm well aware that this is ridiculously geeky... but other than ANTM* I don't indulge in any other 'geeky' past times... so neh! Other than that im a generally all round cool-cat ... lmao!! (Im also well aware also that a genuinely cool person would not refer to themselves as a 'cool-cat' ... oh the irony!)

All time favourite lists have been: countless lists of baby names (even though I knew exactly what names I wanted), lists of baby 'neccessities', 'night out' lists, things to buy on pay-day lists etc etc. But it struck me yesterday that i've spent all these years making pretty mundane little lists including short term aims but i've never sat down and made a list of anything long term ... 'things I want to achieve this year', or even 'things I want to achieve in the next 10 years', or 'things to do before I die!' ...how could I miss out on such an impressive list making opportunity??! :p

So yeh ... I sat down, pen and paper at the ready! The 'things I want to achieve this year' list was pretty easy really. Especially as we've only got a few months of it left (SCARY!! where does the time go!??).  The other two lists were suprisingly really difficult!! Obvioulsy i've a rough idea of how I want my life to go but to condense that to a list is pretty flippin' hard! Obviously the normal stuff came into my head ... be succcessful (though I didn't know in what), to have more children (though I didn't know how many), to have a nice house (though I didn't know where or how nice!), to get married to a lovely man (though I didn't know whether I did actually want to get married ... or whether I even liked men anymore :P) and so I went on and on ... the result being: no list.   God damit! My indecisive nature is crap for long term list making! What I do know is that no matter how many plans I make they never turn out quite the way I thought ... even my little lists are never followed to a tee, constantly changing my mind or tweaking here and there. So yh ... enough list rambles, to conclude (a term which i HATE btw but will use as Blake is getting the arse and this needs wrapping up ;p ) there are some things which can not be put into a list, life would be pretty flipping dull if we were to go through it ticking off the list as we go.  Some of the best things ever to happen to me have been completely unplanned!!

This is not to say that i've turned my back on list writing btw ... just writing lists of any importance :p I may even inflict a few of them on you at some point!!

Love love xxx


How Blake made me laugh today: shaking his little bum and having a bit of a rave to david guetta ... toooooo cute!! (every time I tried to capture the moment on cam he would stop and stare at me) NO PICTURES PLLLEEASE loL! xx


*America's next top model (I know, I know!)

Oh he breaks my heart :(

At 8 o'clock this morning the buzzer went ... and for once it wasn't much effort to get out of bed! The last two nights i've been at work which has ment that Blake stayed the night at his nanny's house BOTH nights! Even though he is obviously asleep at that time of night (I don't finish untill 10pm) the flat feels all lonely and empty without him :(

But anyway I was looking forward to cuddles and kisses ... thinking he is bound to have missed me as much as i've missed him. But nooooo...... he was pretty bored of me as soon as he saw me, and carried on giving my mum plenty of Blake loving.  Now this was a sad moment ... the moment when your child realises that your not the centre of their universe :( Perhaps it's because i've never really had to share Blake's love with anyone before that it made me feel bad or maybe im just a weirdo lol! Blake and I are really lucky that we have such a wonderful family...but id still rather he loved me the most :p

He also seems to prefer his Grandad and great grandad aswell as his Nanny to me now ... so i've got competition!! I tell you what did make me smile though, was how after his nanny had gone he realised he had missed me and we had loooooads of cuddles :P xxx

love love xx

Blake and the new love of his life (a.k.a nanny)

How Blake made me smile today:  while playing peek a boo with the cushion he got a little over excited and vomited ... wouldn't normally be funny but I was filming it on my phone at the time. I won't subject you to the video evidence :P xx

Beach time!!!

So, today we took a little trip to the beach with Aunty Emzie Poo :) and despite a few grumpys from Blake (due to it being ridiculously hot!) and me not really knowing where I was going, we had a great day!! The plan was picnic on the beach but it ended up being battered sausage in the chippy and then chilling on the beach, a pretty good alternative. Being a rooky to all this parenting business I was pretty dim in forgetting that hot weather + school holidays = no space to sit on folkestone's tiny sandy bit of beach. So we ended up at the other end of the beach; on the stoney bit which was actually alot nicer!



As predicted, Blake thought he was sitting on a sea of tiny little biscuits and subsequently attempted to eat his way through the pebbles on Folkestone beach.  I thought perhaps actually giving him some biscuits would deter him but apparently pebbles are more appetising :p I had forgotten how painfull it is to walk on pebbles, this however didn't seem to bother Blake as much as it bothered me and emma lol! It was so worth pebble pain to see Blake's first time in the sea! He couldn't wait to go paddling and seemed to quite enjoy it! He was less impressed when he realised that it was FREEZING cold ... and even less impressed when the waves came up a little too high for his liking .... this apparently was NOT cool and a swift dash back to the pink towel was in order!

Looking pretty impressed with himself lol!

On a whole it was a pretty wicked day!! And I LOVE seeing the look on Blake's face when he is happy. Even though he won't remember days like today at the moment it won't be long untill our little trips become part of his childhood memories :) It's days out like that which I remember from my childhood.  While watching Blake play, Emma and I remembered the bits of the beach that as an adult you forget! The whole trying to get out of your wet swimming costume from underneath a towel without the whole beach seeing your bum, the sifting through thousands of pebbles to find the really 'cool' ones :s, the taking home of little 'souvenirs' such as stones, shells, bird feathers and other filth, oh and not forgetting having to wash the sand off yourself in those really smelly wash basins in the minging toilets! In years to come I really hope that Blake finds all that as much fun as I did...if he doesn't its just tough because mummy loves the seaside :p xxx

Love Love xxx 

Paddling in suprisingly clear waters!!

Just after being caught red handed attempting to eat a pebble :P

How Blake made me smile today: The look on his face while he was watching Emma apply suncream to her face (tribal war paint style). He was clearly thiking: "god, she looks like a freak".

To work ... or not to work ... that is the question!!!!!????

So Blake and I have had a fun packed day today, consisting of finger painting (mummy with a face full of green paint is apparently quite amusing according to Blake), curry cooking and a brief online job search. The whole going back to work full-time thing has caused me inner conflict for a while now....

there doesn't seem to be any resolution insight tbh ...but hey ho

surely every self respecting decent member of society would choose to work if they could right!?? However the issue seems to be less straight forward when applying it to mothers ... in particular single mothers.

If I were to stay at home and be a 'full-time' mummy then im a scrounger, scum of the earth, Jeremy Kyle type who clearly only got inpregnated in order to live a comfy life off of benefits, while watching day time tv on my massive hd tv and counting my masses of tax payer cash (Pahahaha I wish), yet on the other hand if I go back to work full-time then im a cold, heartless monster, who clearly can't wait to palm my child off onto someone else! Seems a little black and white I know ...but don't tell me you havn't heard these opinions yourself on numerous occassions (or even hold them yourself)?

Of course it's true that some people do abuse the system, it's a sad fact that many people just see it as a way of life ...however it is not fair to assume it of everyone who claims benefits. Similarly im sure there are some evil career women out there who don't give a toss about their kids (however im yet to meet one) but it does not mean that a mother doesn't care about her child if she chooses to go back to work. 

I love being at home with my little superhero every day ....but kind of relish in the fact that a couple of evenings a week I can go to work and speak to adults! Im pretty happy with the balance i've got right now ... but I still feel that pang of guilt whenever I admit that I claim some benefits. I don't know if this is a good thing or not to feel that way :s but I'm pretty confident I won't be relying on state help forever, the time will come when I will go back to work full-time. So yeh .... you miserable gits can moan about us benefits claimants being the soul cause for global econonmic crisis all you like ... i'm off to go give the brand new beemer a clean lol!! :p


Love Love xxx


How Blake made me laugh today: well other than the green paint incident, there was the trail of piddle that I discovered down the entire length of my hall way today. How can one little bladder hold that much wee??? hmmmmm :s x

Take a look at this little beauty!!! Which now has pride of place upon my fridge :) 

My First Post .....

Blake and I

Well... on a random impulse of boredom and curiosity i've decided to write a blog; despite a few reservations I have about blogs being slightly self-indulgent, i've figured 'what the hell', im as self-indulgent as the next person anyway! :P

A little about myself I guess would probably be a good start. Well im Leanne, I'm 23, from Kent, a university graduate, a part-time support worker and most importantly a full-time single parent to my gorgeous little boy Blake who is now 13 months :) I included the 'single' bit as a formality really. Alot of people seem to have some pretty mis-informed opinions on us 'single parents' but i'll save that rant for another day. ;)

I've decided that i'll be quite happy to use this blog a) to rant and moan about things that annoy me (which I warn you, is quite alot! b) to keep a record of how my son makes me laugh everyday without fail! and c) some form of self catharsis (though im a little sceptical about this one) If anyone out there gets even the slightest bit of a amusement from reading my random ramblings ...then yay! :)

Sorry to disappoint any chocolate button or jam sandwich fans but my blog isn't dedicated to these tasty treats, it's rather a random title that pays homage to the fact that my son could quite happily live entirely on a diet consisting of the two (if only his evil mummy would let him eh?)

So....yeh, this is my first blog, GO ME!!
Love, Love xx


How Blake made me laugh today: by stealing my phone putting it to his ear and toddling around the living room having a full blown conversation with himself.....I think I might start talking on the phone less :s xx